I have become that mom. And although I've been that mom before, it seems more difficult this time around since I am also that mom of 7 children!
I am one of those moms you have seen at the local store. One of those moms who often gets the glare or dirty look because it is my child who is climbing out of the cart, racing up and down the aisle, touching everything within sight and climbing on whatever is available. Being calm, still and submissive is not something Allee knows how to be.
I am one of those moms whose child is a “handful.”
I am one of those moms who often gets asked – or at least feels like that is what the looks I get are asking - “Are you sure your child isn’t hyperactive? Are you sure she doesn’t need medication? Are you sure she doesn’t need more discipline? Do you need to be more lenient? Does she need to be tested? Are you sure she doesn’t need the law laid down and a good ol' spanking? Have you taken a parenting class?” hahaha
No, no, no, no, no, no and no.
Living with a toddler can be like sharing a house with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If your child is "spirited," the toddler years can be especially trying. What is a spirited child? They are “normal” children who are just harder to raise. "All toddlers are busy: They're climbing and jumping and throwing things," says Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, author of the popular books Raising Your Spirited Child and Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime. "But the high-energy kid is the one who can get to the top of the refrigerator. All toddlers say 'no,' too, but a spirited child's 'no's!' are louder and more frequent, his tantrums longer lasting and more intense. You gradually realize that as a parent you're working harder than your neighbor, whose child is simply not as intense, persistent, and emphatic as yours. Your child is still normal, he's just more of everything."
The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is MORE. … More intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive and uncomfortable with change than other children. All children possess these characteristics, but spirited kids possess them with a depth and range not available to other children. Spirited kids are the super ball in a room full of rubber balls. Other kids bounce three feet off the ground. EVERY bounce for a spirited child hits the ceiling. ~ Mary Kurcinka
Although Allee does display some characteristics of the spirited child, I like to refer to her as 'little lex' cause she acts E X A C T L Y like Lex when he was a toddler.
On bad days, which can be quite often when you don’t know what you are up against, raising a spirited child makes you feel like you are raising four kids in one. It is confusing, frustrating, exhausting, challenging, discouraging and guilt-inducing. Often times you feel like a complete and utter failure as a parent. Allee is very intelligent and knows how to work the system, playing on your emotions to get her way.
However, on the good days, raising a spirited child can make you feel overly blessed. It can be exhilarating, funny, beautiful and brilliant because they bring you into their world which is lived with more passion, creativity, courage and energy than you can ever possibly imagine. Oh, to view the world through Allee's eyes. I can only imagine the possibilities she sees in all things.
The problem is, you never know what kind of day you are going to have. And often times you can go from pure joy and bliss to complete exasperation in under ten seconds.
I keep reading about how spirited kids are definitely a challenge, but there are ways to defuse daily battles and teach your toddler to learn to control himself. The problem is that all that I am reading seem to assume that you are raising a single child and you can devote all your time and energy to that one child. 10 years ago when I realized that Lex is a spirited child, I studied (him) and learned how to react (to him) and empower him to have control over his environment.
Sounds easy, right? Wrong! It was exhausting. It was constant. It took every single ounce of energy that I could muster up every single day. My reward for all my hard work? An independent, well-adjusted, brilliant, passionate, creative, sensitive, loving, exceptional young man!
So I am one of those moms... AGAIN! I know what I need to do, I understand what it is that she needs, and more importantly, I know what the reward will be for all my effort. However, I will admit that raising a spirited child that also happens to be a quadruplet, as well as 1 of 7 children, is more than a little challenging!
I am one of those moms you have seen at the local store. One of those moms who often gets the glare or dirty look because it is my child who is climbing out of the cart, racing up and down the aisle, touching everything within sight and climbing on whatever is available. Being calm, still and submissive is not something Allee knows how to be.
I am one of those moms whose child is a “handful.”
I am one of those moms who often gets asked – or at least feels like that is what the looks I get are asking - “Are you sure your child isn’t hyperactive? Are you sure she doesn’t need medication? Are you sure she doesn’t need more discipline? Do you need to be more lenient? Does she need to be tested? Are you sure she doesn’t need the law laid down and a good ol' spanking? Have you taken a parenting class?” hahaha
No, no, no, no, no, no and no.
Living with a toddler can be like sharing a house with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If your child is "spirited," the toddler years can be especially trying. What is a spirited child? They are “normal” children who are just harder to raise. "All toddlers are busy: They're climbing and jumping and throwing things," says Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, author of the popular books Raising Your Spirited Child and Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime. "But the high-energy kid is the one who can get to the top of the refrigerator. All toddlers say 'no,' too, but a spirited child's 'no's!' are louder and more frequent, his tantrums longer lasting and more intense. You gradually realize that as a parent you're working harder than your neighbor, whose child is simply not as intense, persistent, and emphatic as yours. Your child is still normal, he's just more of everything."
The word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is MORE. … More intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive and uncomfortable with change than other children. All children possess these characteristics, but spirited kids possess them with a depth and range not available to other children. Spirited kids are the super ball in a room full of rubber balls. Other kids bounce three feet off the ground. EVERY bounce for a spirited child hits the ceiling. ~ Mary Kurcinka
Although Allee does display some characteristics of the spirited child, I like to refer to her as 'little lex' cause she acts E X A C T L Y like Lex when he was a toddler.
On bad days, which can be quite often when you don’t know what you are up against, raising a spirited child makes you feel like you are raising four kids in one. It is confusing, frustrating, exhausting, challenging, discouraging and guilt-inducing. Often times you feel like a complete and utter failure as a parent. Allee is very intelligent and knows how to work the system, playing on your emotions to get her way.
However, on the good days, raising a spirited child can make you feel overly blessed. It can be exhilarating, funny, beautiful and brilliant because they bring you into their world which is lived with more passion, creativity, courage and energy than you can ever possibly imagine. Oh, to view the world through Allee's eyes. I can only imagine the possibilities she sees in all things.
The problem is, you never know what kind of day you are going to have. And often times you can go from pure joy and bliss to complete exasperation in under ten seconds.
I keep reading about how spirited kids are definitely a challenge, but there are ways to defuse daily battles and teach your toddler to learn to control himself. The problem is that all that I am reading seem to assume that you are raising a single child and you can devote all your time and energy to that one child. 10 years ago when I realized that Lex is a spirited child, I studied (him) and learned how to react (to him) and empower him to have control over his environment.
Sounds easy, right? Wrong! It was exhausting. It was constant. It took every single ounce of energy that I could muster up every single day. My reward for all my hard work? An independent, well-adjusted, brilliant, passionate, creative, sensitive, loving, exceptional young man!
So I am one of those moms... AGAIN! I know what I need to do, I understand what it is that she needs, and more importantly, I know what the reward will be for all my effort. However, I will admit that raising a spirited child that also happens to be a quadruplet, as well as 1 of 7 children, is more than a little challenging!
3 comments:
If anyone can do it YOU can! Your life is never boring! I admire you for rolling with it as you do!
I love this post. Utterly explains my life in comparison to my friends' kids. And even my niece. My girls are just "more." Thank you.
oh em gee! thats exactly my chelsey roo is! i thought we(daddy!) spoiled her but after i read your blog n i researched about it.. the more i understand her n the light bulb just light up :) thank you..
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